Tuesday, September 21, 2010


the wind smacked my body as i ran. hair stringily, whipping around the frame of my face as dark pulled at my scalp. wrestling with them, i elbowed, kicked, smashed any of them that came near me with as much strength as i could muster. i sprinted. without hesitation i ran as fast as i could, leaping over stumps, roots, and rocks with speed. one foot chasing the other, building momentum as i went. the liveliness of vivid green lush rapidly swam around my body. my eyes could no longer focus on any one thing for my feet carried them too eagerly, rushing them to capture the images of my surroundings with urgency. it was beginning to become dark. the golden sunlight beamed through the peepholes of leaves and glistened copper on the ground and trunks around me. copper was a bad color. it meant that dusk was approaching and night would shortly settle in, allowing the dark to masque itself with the camouflage of the sky.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

bad sentence contest

Abigail tossed and turned under her pretty, pink princess covers as she enveloped herself into a cocoon, trembling at the savage heffalump and woozley creatures lingering outside her bedroom window, howling ferociously with the blustery wind which didn`t cease to shake the house as it violently loosened the screws of the antiquely chipped shutters, the moonlight casting gnarly shadows into her room, as she waited for the bloodcurdling moment of fate.

I always loved the Blustery Day episode of Winnie the Pooh when he met the Heffalumps and Woozles :) Maybe I will continue this bad story in the future...

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

family and my uterus

i never write this late in the evening.

i have been thinking about my family a lot lately. my dad`s birthday was on saturday, september 11th and i didn`t really get a chance to talk to him. for that i feel ashamed. i remember back to when i couldn`t even hug my dad, let alone kiss his cheek for the sake of being vulnerable with him. i don`t know what it is about him, but there is just something that makes me hold back. i wish my parents knew how i feel. for years i have tried to tell them, but they always seem to direct the conversation to my faults instead of my feelings. defensive and in denial, my mother cannot take the blame. even when im not asking for blame, i am looked at like i was when i was a child. they don`t seen to understand that i have changed since then. it really upsets me.

(mom, jack and our dog bailey :)

i want more than anything to have a family. i was a husband who is loyal and honest
with me. i want to be with someone who will encourage me in my walk with the lord and not scold me for my mishaps, but who will walk with me through them. i want my children to know that their parents love jesus. i want my kids to know who jesus is- that you can actually have a relationship with him! and that he wants you to LIVE. i want more than anything to be united with my family. for them to truly know my heart and to just love me for that.

i just want to cry. it could be because i may be PMSing...felt the first cramp of fire tonight. im craving
chocolate and queso constantly. nothing is too much right now. headaches. backaches. finger aches! my eye is dying for crying out loud! my body is clearly pre-gaming for the big KA-BOOM that will ignite in my uterus within the next week.

ANDDD i keep craving the airport! i actually WANT to be at the atlanta airport right now. sitting and waiting. sitting and waiting. walking to other ports in order to sit and wait. looking for new stores i have yet to find in order to fill my 5 hour layovers + more than likely 2 hours of delays, while i fill myself with ben and jerry`s $6 airport smoothies, read cosmo and hide from creepers.


Sunday, September 5, 2010

will it ever go away?

i am in love with my sin
i crave your body next to mine
i ache for the beat that flips you, turns your stomach inside out
and brings ecstasy to the tip.
my body proclaims insecurities
actions reflecting past destruction.
i am alone amidst the crowd
an insignificant slash of color blurred
i`m a hazard to you
in jeopardy of identity theft
my heart screams “save”
it longs for redemption, for agreement, for satisfaction
but i look elsewhere.
my soul is in danger of heartache,
vulnerable to the glitches in my genetic makeup
i spoil for another bruise,
another permanent scar i voluntarily bring to my body
internal stain, every slipup engraved, chiseled into my skin
alone. my faults are bare, written boldly on my face
seeping through my flesh to the core.
will they ever go away?

Saturday, September 4, 2010

finding you.

words cannot illustrate how i feel in this moment. i crave the words that depict your essence, the aura of your soul. the tip of my tongue presses lightly upon your words, desiring more but not knowing how to find them. i remember the caress of your hands upon my curves, the familiar taste of your body, the zest of your lips and the sting of spoken words. i savor every breath we take in sync, as i indulge in you and you in me. lets play hide and seek, but promise not to disappear. ill let you find me. i bite my lip with brilliant eagerness to grasp the concept of your mind. body. spirit. your misty face, a blazing fervor for more. your bedroom eyes, the constant intensive warmth of your gaze. i sink my fingernails into your back. violence. rapturous delight. smoke. how could i have known? discover me. we are dynamic. you are insane, i am safe on the outside. let go. fears control you. let go of control. my lips are dry for you, let me drink. my arms and legs grow weak for you, hold me. my thoughts swim in you. delight in me. i want to satisfy.