under attack.

satan was out to get me. i was being thrown in all different directions. i felt helpless. useless. stupid. weak. satan was attacking. throwing everything possible at me that might make me fail. a guy at work was pursuing me. making me feel like i was all he could ever want. calling me beautiful, kind, sexy, easy-going. my dad was fighting with me about money...again. satan wanted me to feel as though no one loved me at home, and i needed someone else to care for me. he threw a man at me offering money to sleep with him. “a thousand dollars,” he said smiling handsome and smooth. satan knew i needed the money and that i wanted to feel wanted. i rebuked him, disturbed. he brought my ex boyfriend into the picture. devastate me by telling me that he is not coming back to college. piercing pain. agony. screaming. embarrassment. my heart broke all over again. and then brings him to ocean city to confuse me even more. “want to walk on the beach?” satan couldn`t have targeted me more! he deceived me. manipulated me. made my weaknesses seem desirable. made sin seem beautiful. made me feel loved and adored and wanted.

“I know the plans i have for you,” declares the Lord.

for the first time in a year i feel like i`ve come through on top of satan! god has already conquered satan and he has so much more in store for me! he had always conquered satan, i just wasn`t allowing myself to experience the freedom that comes through obedience. god calls us to be free. he wants me to experience the joy that only comes through obedience.

i woke up laughing uncontrollably in my bed. rolling over, head in the crook of my elbow, i prayed for strength for the day. that i would not allow satan to take hold of any piece of my life at any moment. laughter spilled out of my body. i couldn`t stop laughing. god spoke, “submit yourself to Me. resist the devil and he will flee from you.” and i thought, satan is attacking me because god has awesome things planned for me and he wants to stop growth in my faith! how cool is it that?! that the reason i am being targeted is because the Lord of creation wants to do something BIG with my life and that is a threat to satan. when we pursue the lord, we are threatening satan. when we speak truth, he can do nothing to argue us. we have authority over satan because the Spirit of God lives inside of us. i couldn`t be more excited right now. it blows my mind how awesome god is. and how he wants to do so many things with my life, all i need to do is say “yes.”